whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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