How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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