I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
