i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
