This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
