my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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