I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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