I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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