Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
