i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
