Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
