i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
