He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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