so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
