Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
