I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
