I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
