fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
