question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry about my life...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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