I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
