love makes seman taste better
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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