She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
