You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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