I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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