Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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