What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
