Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
