Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
