I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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