so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
