I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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