The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
