I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
