I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
