Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize