yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
