If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's always time for handjobs
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
