You can't special order awesome
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
