Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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