When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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