I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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