My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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