did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
