At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
