And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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