i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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