After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
