tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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