My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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