I'm gonna have a badass scar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
