I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
