I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
