Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
