as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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