so explain again why im purple
no
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
