you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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