yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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