hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
