I need help removing her.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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