Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
