Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
