She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
