Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
