My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
