That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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