is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
