how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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