thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
