Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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