dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
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I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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