Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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