i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
