Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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