You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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