sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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