Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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