someone get that fucking seahorse.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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