forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
