of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
