You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
