i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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