We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
