ugly people sure do ruin things
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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