i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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